Patagonia Summary...

A special thanks to my brother Jonathan and my buddy Rafal who came down for parts of December and January to spend some time with me and check out some very beautiful areas in Argentina. Thanks, fellas!

The Best Patagonia Photos Ever!

So here is a little summary of the things that went down in Patagonia. Some good stories here, folks...Good story about Perito Moreno Glacier, El Chaltén, Torres del Paine, and some of the jokers that we met along the way.

So here we go...sit back, relax, and strap on your seat belt because you have never been on a ride like this before...

Perito Moreno Glacier is one of the few advancing glaciers in the world. This gigantic body of ice is over 30km long, 10km wide, 15 stories tall above the water line and is over 100 meters deep below the water line. There is so much force pushing this glacier that it advances at the rate of about 2 meters per day. Quite a few ice cubes. The lake's natural minerals give it a very cloudy greenish and grayish color with just a little bit of blue mixed in. The glacier is situated between two mountains, all of the accumulated snow that is compressed by the weight of itself year-round pushes it down the mountain and creates pressure on the glacier. This creates a glacier that constantly calves.

We booked our full day excursion through our hostel and began our day at around 8am with a drive along Route 40 towards Glacier National Park. Driving through portions of Patagonia is a lot like driving through parts of Nebraska...there are a coupla animals grazing and there is just a lot of wide open spaces with not a whole lot of stuff out there. Except there really are not too many places in Nebraska where you can drive an hour to see a glacier.

Our first stop was at a lookout point towards the south face of the glacier. We were still pretty far from it so we took some goofy perspective pictures that made it look like we were carrying the glacier on our back. I initially thought I had overdressed when i brought my long sleeve shirts and two jackets because I was sweating a ton on the bus. Thank goodness that I didn't under dress because we were greeted by the famous strong Patagonian wind that blew all the body heat from us as we stepped out of the bus. Welcome to Patagonia, where the wind always blows. After snapping a few fotos we hopped back on the bus and then went to the trail head and began our hike along the lake shore towards the glacier's north face. The place we started was kinda neat because the more you walked along the shoreline the glacier would appear and get larger and larger. There were two large icebergs that were floating in the lake there were pretty darn large and must have been quite large when they broke off. A little teaser before we saw where they came from. A little piece of cake before we got to have the entire cake. Hiked for about another 10 minutes and came upon the glacier in its enormity. Yaowza! The right side of the glacier appeared first while walking along the shore line. The more you walked the larger and greater this natural marvel became. Snap, snap, goes the camera. More pictures. We took some silly pictures and some pictures that are gonna go up on the wall back at home. Our hike was great because we had four or five different places to view the glacier and each was equally impressive. Since my little digital camera doesn't have the advance wide angle lens, I tried to capture the entire size of the glacier by taking a series of pictures and will either use a little Photoshop and stitch them together or just print them out and place them side by side in a foto frame to recreate the glacier.

Creak! Crack! Snap! Groan! Boom! Woosh! These are the only sounds that interrupted the quietness of Glacier National Park. Watching these giant bodies of ice calve was an event! And watching the people watching the glacier was an event, too. The tourists (myself included) all suffered from a mild case of Pavlovian Conditioning. Everybody was there to get the perfect shot of the glacier calving and would salivate at any sound coming from the glacier. Determining where the sounds came from was difficult because the massive glacier and the rock walls on the tourist side created a natural amphitheater where sounds bounced off everything. The incredible whiteness of the glacier also made it tough to figure out where exactly these ice portions where falling from. Like everything in South America, it was an exercise in patience. As my ol' Boy Scout leader once said "James, patience is a virtue." And getting a good picture just took a little patience.

It was getting near lunch time when Rafal and I sat down on one of the benches on the glacier platform and enjoyed some sandwiches along with the the view. The quite mutter of the tourists and the glacier calving was great. What was not was that little kid who kept begging for his mom's attention. I can remember kinda being like that kid when our fam visited the Grand Caynon. You are old enough to remember the event but you really dont appreciate it like you would if you were older. Anywho, the kid wasn't that bothersome.

After lunch we had some really good luck and saw a portion of the glacier about the size of a medium house slowly groan, creak, and slide into the water with a gigantic splash. All the tourists on the platforms clapped after taking their pictures and hung around chit chatting about whatnot and whatever.

Next time you are passing through Patagonia, stop by and pay the glacier a visit. As they say in Spanish "¡Vale la pena!" or "It's worth it." Seguramente, el glacier Perito Moreno vale la pena...

We returned from the glacer at about 6 or 7pm and prepared our stuff for the bus ride to El Chaltén. El Chaltén is famous for its massive granite towers that stand above all the other mountains like tall gringos in South America. The day we arrived was perfect conditions to view Fitz Roy and Cerro de Torres from Route 40. We stopped a coupla kilometers from El Chaltén to take some fotos but the only problem was that I had my camera in my large backpack and that was checked in and somewhere under the bus. Dratz...however, Rafal had his camera and got some excellent fotos. Those fotos are keepers.
We checked into our hostel and took a little nap before taking a quick two hour hike to Lago Capri. Lago Capri is a base camp for folks who wanna get a little closer to Fitz Roy than the average tourist. What really made the experience great was the evening sunshine hitting Fitz Roy and the reflection off a perfectly calm Lago Capri. The mirror image was peaceful and the time to sit and enjoy the view was refreshing.

One thing that about Patagonia in many parts is the absence of water pollution. The delicious water in Chaltén was perfectly potable and you could drink right out of any stream or lake and not worry too much about getting sick. The water must be good because its been over two weeks and Im not sick, yet.

We snapped a coupla fotos and headed back to the hostel before the 1045pm sunset. Made a little pasta dinner before we retired to the dorm. Next day was a big day. Slept pretty well that day but was awoken by a German alarm clock. Actually, it was a German guy who doubled as an alarm clock because he was taking fotos of the sunrise at 530ish in the morning.
Its quite possible his camera had sounds for just about everything. A sound for turing it on, prefocus, snapping the foto, erasing the foto, turning off the camera...Rafal commented there should have been a sound that would complement the guy for snapping a foto. "Gee, Franz, thats a great foto...why not take a few more and wake up the whole hostel." I gotta get me one of dem German alarm clocks, but Im not too sure that he could fit in my backpack and make it through customs. Dratz...

Since Franz woke us up we decided to get ready for the big hike a little bit earlier and get some coffee and breakfast to add a little gas to the tank. I was feelin good after a breakfast of granola bars and coffee. Our group was pretty tiny. Just six folks and a guide. We hiked a good three hours and and downhill until we came to a base camp. We rested for a little bit and ate a few cookies, tea, and coffee. The base camp is where we were fitted for our harness and picked up a pair of crampons. We hiked another 1.5 hours to get to the glacier. The hike around Lago Torres was nice and the river crossing via zip line was a little treat we all enjoyed. Horizontal zip lines are pretty fun until you lose all your momentum and hafta pull your self the rest of the way. My first zip line crossing was great. Hike a little bit more after the zip line and then hit ice. We strapped on the crampons after getting on the glacier and had a quick lesson before continuing. Walking with crampons is basically walking flatfooted with just a little bend in your step. The type that we used strapped onto the bottom of your boot and kinda got to be uncomfortable after wearing them for about two hours.

Glaciers are made from snow but the snow is compacted into a very hard ice and can be as rough as asphalt if you fall down. Gloves were a must to prevent any hand scrapings. Glacier Torres is a maze of icy hills and valleys with really deep pools of crystal clear water that slowly faded from clear to a deep baby blue the more profound the hole was. An the best part was that you could just dip your bottle into the water and you had fresh water to drink. Walking for a little while longer brought us to an area with a 60 foot wall of vertical ice. Our guides disappeared for a little bit and reappeared up top where they prepared an ice anchor. Looks like were were gonna do some ice climbing, folks. Ice climbing turned out to be pretty fun. Our group received some quick instructions. One instruction was to use your legs. Your legs should carry about 85 or 90 percent of your body weight. Your arms are there to advance position and for equilibrium, but not to hold your body weight. The other instructions were a set of four steps. Steps one and two are to drive each of the ice pics up and into the ice. First, one hand and then the other. Steps three and four are to position your legs by kicking the crampon directly into the ice so your boot is perpendicular with the ice. Wash, rinse and repeat as you climb up the glacier. Quite a bit of fun and quite a bit of exercise...It was tough and im in pretty good shape, for the shape that Im in, i guess.

That was loads of fun. We returned to base camp to drop our gear off and rest a bit. Then it was back to El Chaltén. We arrived 12 hours after we left and it was time for a beer or two. We ate in the hostel, had one drink, stretched out and went to bed.

Slept right through the German alarm clock the next day. The next day was more rest and recovery than anything. The sore muscles needed to relax a little bit. Now we were sore but not as sore as this Dutch girl that we met, Olga. Remember Norm from Cheers back in the day? Norm was the guy that never really seemed to move and drank lots off beer. Well, the only difference between Norm and Olga was that she wasn't drinking beer but was eating something every time we saw her. The hike she had done the day before left her with sore and tight muscles and she didn't wanna move all day. So she didn't. When we left for a hike in the morning to move our muscles a bit she was there eating some eggs and toast. We returned about two hours later and she hadn't moved and was now eating some lemon meringue pie. About an hour after that she was eating a different piece of pie with her friend. We talked and joked around with her since we had met the first day we were there and she told us about here stationary plan. Well, she was true to her word. But what was kinda ironic about the situation was that she was eating all this expensive hostel food and had a South American on a Shoestring book next too her. Either she had some incredibly long shoestrings or had nothing else to do that day except eat. Ever since meeting her, Rafal and I get a little laugh when he added the Homer Simpson eating sound effect. The sound effect goes something like, "Chomp, Schomp, mmmmgulp.....more! more! more!"

There were a coupla more stories about some jokers we met in the kitchen while cooking but I think not mentioning this kid will prevent us from being just a little bit dumber. He was that out there. That's all I got for El Chaltén.

Torres del Paine was an exquisite hike into the Chilean forest. Getting there was the only Paine...Rafal and I were seated right behind a couple that was prolly 20 or so that were getting all snuggly wuggly. We had a great view, especially when they put their seat back and got all lovey dovey for three or four hours. Rafal spelled out the word B-A-R-F!! on the back of the seat and I agreed with that. bla...

We passed through customs on the way to Chile without any problems and arrived in Puerto Natales. The sharks were waitin for us and encouraging us to use their hostel by the handful. Rafal and I looked at one that seemed alright. We walked to the place to find that we would be the only ones in the hostel, this kinda struck us as weird because this was high season and nothing is empty in high season. We got a weird vibe from the place and then moved on to a place called Hostel Paulette. This was a decent place that had travelers in it so we rested their and planned our next day. It also had a great breakfast that was more than toast and jam.

The next day began with a two hour bus ride to Torres del Paine National Park and then with a shuttle ride to the trail head. During the shuttle ride Rafal and I met pretty some stoners who had started smoking in high school and haven't passed up an opportunity to smoke. And these folks were pushing mid-forties! Pretty sure these three folks never listed to Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No!" campaign against the drugs. Whoa...these folks need to be videotaped and replayed in every D.A.R.E seminar possible.

After spending the quick three mile ride with Jeff Spicoli & Co, I was surprised he didnt light up and smoke didn't come out of the van doors when we disembarked. Aloha, Jeff, wherever you are.

The hike to Torres del Paine was good exercise. The first hour was nearly all uphill and the next two were up and down but not too bad. We were about 30 minutes from the top when the trail turned from dirt to rocks to granite boulders. The trail to the top was marked with red dots for the hikers to follow so they wouldnt get lost. From the bottom of the boulder area we could see the tips of the three towers and slowly but surely we made our way to the top and the towers grew and grew. We took a break once we reached the top, had some lunch, and put on some layers. The view was well worth the three hours of hiking. The three gigantic granite pillars were reaching for the sky with snow glaciers sitting at their bases and small waterfalls feeding a bowl shaped canyon full of white and tan boulders and a greenish and grayish lake that feed the river where we pulled our water from.

Rafal and I had quite a bit of luck since we saw the Torres del Paine in their full beauty without any clouds to block the view. The only bad part was that we couldnt spend too much time there because the bus back to the hostel was leaving in four hours. So we spent just a little time there and snapped a few fotos before heading back to civilazation. One of the really cool things about the Torres del Paine National Park as well as Glacier National Park is that you can do camping and trekking anywhere from one day to five to a nine day circuit around the Torres del Paine. You can tell the people who have been on the trail for a while...just use your nose. Those guys stink but are getting to do something that Rafal and I wanna do. I really wanna head back to Fitz Roy and Torres del Paine and experience the some really good treking.

We made our way back to civilization and got to the shuttle bus stop about 30 minutes before it arrived and made our way back to Puerto Natales. And that is where our luck ran out, at around 10pm. We got back to the hostel and got cleaned up and then went out to get some food. The only problem was EVERYTHING was closing early. Rafal and I look at each other and do a collective, "huh!?" It was a Saturday night, we were exhausted from hiking and every restaurant we went to told us that they had to close up shop. Elections were tomorrow and any establishment that serves alcohol had to close up shop and go home. After bemoaning a little bit we found a gas station and had hot doggs. B-A-R-F!! You can read about the rest of our adventure in my Planes, Trains, and Automobile entry.

After getting to Ushuaia we had a little bad luck but a little good luck. The bad luck was the hostel had goofed on our reservation. Instead of booking the days we desired for January they had booked them for February for a James Teters. At least they had the days right. Maybe we were just a month early. But the nice thing is that the hostel called other hostels and found us a place to stay for the same price and same quality.

Ushuaia is a nice little town at the bottom of the world. Rafal and I kinda relaxed after the hectic day of traveling and ate lunch with an English/Spanish photographer that we had met on the flight from Puerto Areanas to Ushuaia.


The next day we booked a little trip on a sail boat to the Beagle Channel and saw sea lions and other marine wild life and learned about Ushuaia. After that we took a tour of the famous prison. What struck me as odd was that the guards lived, ate, and supervised all the inmates. Both of them were in prison, except they just wore different uniforms. That had to be a pretty rough life when you are sentenced to the end of the world.

We saw other portions of Ushuaia, including Tierra del Fuego National Park. We initially thought it was gonna be rainy but it turned out to be really nice weather and just a little bit muddy.

I am noticing my descriptions are getting shorter and shorter the longer and longer I am typing. When I get some more energy Ill write in some more details.

laters - - - jp

Michael Jackson Dance-a-like?

My friend Sarah D sent me this email when she saw my attempt create a picture like I was scaling the Torres del Paine...

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize your neighborhood
And whoever shall be found
Without the souls for getting down
Shall stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpse shell

The foulness stench is in the air
The funk of 40,000 years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom
And though you to fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
Because no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the THRILLER!
*psychotic laughing*

This is my best Thriller impression that I can do...oh, yea! still got the moves...

Ever Watch Planes, Trains, and Automobiles?

Hey Folks, Greetings from Ushuaia and nearly the bottom of the world!

Whoa! Rafal and I almost didnt make it down here. We almost go stuck in a town along the way. Kinda like Planes, Trains, and Automobiles but neither of us are shower ring salesmen.

This is a pretty interesting story about a little bit of bad luck, good luck, poor timing, great timing, the generosity of a Chilean kid, and a little bit of good ol' American Ingenuity!

It all started with our 12 hour day hike to see Torres del Paine. The hike was great and the weather was perfect for us. This is a place Im thinkin about returning to when im back on my own. We were about hour away from the shuttle bus dropoff/pickup station when we ran into this Swiss guy who had just lost his camera after doing the seven day hike around the Torres del Paine. Im beginning to think some of that bad luck he had rubbed off on us because we finally arrived back at the hostel in Port Natales and cleaned up to get something to eat but found out that EVERYTHING was closed. All restaurants closed at 10pm that Saturday evening because the following day was elections in Chile. We were getting pretty hungy and annoyed at the folks that said that they couldnt serve us because the police said establishments that serve alcohol needed to close business. And we are talking about a Saturday night! We were getting desperate. We finally found a gas station a ways from the el centro that didnt serve alcohol and served hotdogs. Now after working concession stands back in the day I am not a fan of the stadium steak. But i was hungry and the hotdoggie filled the void.

We get to the bus station and get to Puerto Areanas and get assulted by a barrage of hostel owners that are telling us how great there hostel is. One guy kept on telling us how great the hostel was. "It is the best mai freiend...i recommend to you" After all of this bugging I was talkin to Rafal about this and was like..."Ya know, if they are the best hostel or whatever then people come to you. You dont hafta go looking for business. It comes to you." I didnt say anything to the fella but just kinda rolled my eyes and said "vamos a ver" or "we will see." After getting the hostel situation figured out we decided to check on the bus situation and went to the few companies that were open. All said that they were full until Wednesday. So we thought about it and then went to get something to eat. Since it was elections EVERYTHING was closed except for one pizza place that had about 30 people in it and one kid taking all the orders. Poor guy. So we ate and then retired to the hostel to plan the next day. We awoke the next day only to find out that ALL the buses filled up until Friday or Saturday. This is not good. Not good at all. There were only three companies that delivered passengers to Ushuaia and the seats were filling up fast. Getting stuck in one place wouldnt have been a problem except for the fact that we had a flight from Ushuaia to Buenos Aires Saturday morning and Rafal goes back to the States on Monday! Things were not looking good. Heck, I even stopped at three ATMs to get cash because I knew we were gonna be spending extra time in this damn city and the freaking things were out of money. This was a real downer.

So we thought about flying there. There were two companies. One company said they had flights on Friday that were full. They suggested LAN Chile a few blocks up the street. We got to the LAN Chile offices and were like "Ohhhh, shit..."

Do you remember Beetle Juice back in the day? There is that scene where Beetle Juice is waiting his turn and he pulls the tag that has a number with about five or six commas in it? Well, that is what we were up against. We pulled the pink tag from at little red tag dispenser mounted on the wall and realized that there were about 40 people ahead of us. It seemed that things were not going our way and we were gonna be stuck in po-dunk-patagonia where the only real thing to do is see the Magellan Strait and the penguin rookery and that is it, folks. Remember when Beetle Juice switched the number with the guy next to him, who had like number one? The Beetle Juice's head shrunk...Well, our head didnt shrink but we were very very very very fortunate to move about 40 spaces up the waiting queue when a kid gave us his number. I remember doing this when I was a kid. And Im sure you remember doing this, too. I used to pull a tag from that dispenser because it made a cool sound and it was the only thing to do when you were a kid. Ya know, play with stuff. I still sometimes still pull those automagic coupon dispensers at the grocery store. So the kid was with his dad who had his own number and gave us his as they were leaving. Score! Within the minute we were seated in front of the LAN Chile agent and found out that there were flights available to Ushuaia. The next one was at 2pm. We looked at our watch and it was 1245. The flight was in our budget and we plopped down that Visa, got our tickets, and caught the first taxi we could to our hostel and then to the airport.

I have never packed so quickly. Less than five minutes after we paid for the ticket we had grabbed our bags and were on the way to the airport. We didnt really breath a sigh of relief until we got onto the plane. However, our joker sense of humor began to return when the girl at check in asked us where on the plane we would like to sit. We said preferably inside. Sitting with the tranquilized animals would have been just as well considering how we really really needed to get to Ushuaia. We also busted out a few Chuck Norris jokes to some people on the plane from California. Apparently Rafal and I like Chuck Norris jokes alot better than other people.

• Did you know if you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.


• Did you know that Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


• Did you know that since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
  

More Chuck Norris Jokes how can you not laugh at these jokes!?

So getting here was a little bit of everything. This experience was a little bit of bad luck, good luck, poor timing, great timing, the generosity of a Chilean kid, and a little bit of good ol' American Ingenuity (Good Ol Visa Credit Cards!)

jp

Torres del Paine National Park

Hey Folks,

Yesterday went for a little hike through Torres del Paine National Park and got to see the massive granite towers. I am definitely coming back to this place to do the "W" or the circuit. Long haul trekking sounds like a good adventure.

Gotta catch a bus to Puerto Arenas in 30 minutes.

ill add some pics when i get a chance

laters

jp

oh, these are some of the pics from along the way...this is my best Michael Jackson Thriller impression that I can do...thats all i got, folks.

Greetings from Patagonia!

Hey Folks,

Today I am in Patagonia with my buddy Rafal. We just finished seeing the Perito Moreno Glacier in El Calafate and Mount Fitz Roy in El Chaltén and now are in Puerto Natales to see the Torres del Paine.

My toe kinda hurts from ice climbing and walking with crampons. nothing like walking on a glacier for a coupla hours to make those feet feel fresh and new again.

Ill write more when internet doesnt cost four or five dollars an hour.

oh, one more thing. Since 525 Chilean Pesos equals one dollar I am in effect a millionaire! Heck yea! Millionaire by the age i am 26...atta baby!

Greetings From Patagonia!

ok folks...

so i was gonna write about Iguazu Falls but that will come a little later.

A day after my brother left my buddy Rafal came down and today we are in Patagonia. Took a three hour flight to El Calafate earlier today and we are gonna explore some very southern portions of the world.

Tomorrow is gonna be great! We are gonna take a tour of Glacier National Park and see Perito Moreno, a massive glacier that calves often in huge chunks greater than the size of large cars or small houses.

Strap on the crampons, grab your ice pick, and bring your camera because this is gonna be fun!

More to come in a little bit!

jp

I am out of the loop...

I can't believe how much out of the loop I really am.

Being away from makes it pretty difficult to catch up on family, local, national, and world news. And there are some things that I am actually just learning about. Living at home made getting the news really easy because we always had the paper delivered and keeping up on things weren't too bad because we would read the paper, watch and listen to the news. Talkin with Ma and Pa kinda kept you in turn with what was goin on with the fam, but now since im not in the house i am out of the loop. I just learned that my dad got rid of my old car, Elwood. The car earned its name from an ex-ladytype because of the cars brief history as a police car - the name stuck around, the ladytype didnt. Lemme tell ya, that car had character, baby. Although it was a rolling birth control machine (no ladytype ever wanted to be near that thing) I still loved that car. Goodbye, Elwood.

The Jonster filled me in with some of the things that have occurred in the States since he has been down here. He told me that the govt bulldozed 50,000 houses down in New Orleans. Getting news is tough, but the Internet makes things a little easier. For example...I just learned a coupla days ago that Nick and Jessica just broke up. I know...rilly rilly sad, right. yea, right. I also just learned that Johnny Damon will be playing center field for the Yankees next year. I was more surprised to hear about that then Nick and Jessica.

Traveling versus being in Otown has been a weird balance. On one hand Im missing out on some pretty cool big name concerts that are finally coming to town versus trekking in a place where Ill prolly be only once. But I think I just might get to see the Rolling Stones when they give a free concert in Rio in Brazil. Gotta goto that.

Its getting late and im blabbling.

my next entry will be about the adventure the Jonster and I had when we went to Iguazu Falls.

jp

Happy New Year from Buenos Aires

Happy New Years, Folks!

2006 is a new year filled with new opportunities...

Laters

jp

Buenos Aires Report

hey folks...

been a while since my last entry. lots of stuff going on. Buenos Aires is a pretty darn big city with lots and lots to do. So here are a few things that Im gonna talk about: BA in General, The Food, and La Boca Tour.

BA in general
A lot of BA seems very similar to the States. Many parts have that same feeling you get when you are in New York City. Lots of one-of-a-kind shops, great food, well dressed folks, beautiful ladytypes, lots of efficient public transportation and a great subway. The old docks have been converted into a very attractive waterfront with some great evening sunsets. This would be a great place to take a ladytype out - just be sure to bring lots of cash. The Jonster and I were looking for a place to get a little din-din and found one place that seemed pretty reasonable. We must have stepped into some sort of price-warp because once we sat down the prices were jumped to two or three times what that little ol menu outside stated. The Jonster and I looked at each other and were both like, "ummm, lets get the heck outta here." We dropped the place like a bad habit. We found a place that had some pretty reasonable prices, sat down, and enjoyed a heckova dinner. We started off the dinner with some sort of sweet roll with seafood type sauce with some white cream in the middle. Since Im not too big of a fan of seafood or anything that tastes the way the ocean smells I quickly ate the appetizer and masked the taste with a pint of Guinness. Thank goodness for Guinness.

Ya gotta dress well down here, everybody dresses to impress. I feel kinda like chopped liver down here when I go to bars or clubs with my tshirts, convertible hiking pants, and boat-sized hiking boots. Oh well, you still get respect because you are a tourist, and tourists carry dollars. The economic crisis a few years back made the USD pretty strong. One Dollar will get you three Argentine Pesos and the deals you get depend on the things you buy. Some things are pretty much the same price everywhere, like a Coke. Beer is pretty cheap, you can get a liter of beer for less than a dollar. Heck yea! You can get a heckuva suit down here for around 200 USD. I think the only place in the States where you can get suit under that cost is at Goodwill.

Traveling Injury.
I had to goto the doctor's office yesterday because I nearly broke my neck. There are just oh so many beautiful ladytypes here. Wow... But word is that the Argentine women are kinda like dolphins...very intelligent and the men (or gringos) just dont know how to communicate with them.

Food.
I love food.
I love whoever invented food.
Definitely bring your appetite when you come.
Argentina is famous for its beef and my brother and I have not been let down. Meat is so predominate in this culture that you can have steak for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This aint no microwave dinner Salisbury type steak. We are talkin massive portions and all-you-can-eat dinners for a coupla bucks. The Jonster and I went to a tenedor-libre which is the Argentine equivalent of all you can eat. This restaurant we went to had three massive grills, each about the size ping pong table. All of them were nearly full of all different types of meat. You walk up with your plate and the chef named Angel will fill your plate with copious amounts of beef. From roast to ribs to steak, the tenedor libre is one hell of a deal. At a restaurant my bro and I went to yesterday it cost us a total of nine dollars for a generous tbone steak dinner that included drinks. That is just unheard of in the States. Omaha Steaks, eat your heart out.

Alcohol.
My goodness...
Beer is cheaper than soda...
Wine is cheaper than soda...
Coca-Cola is expensive compared to beer and wine prices.
How entertaining is it to walk into the grocery store with less than one dollar and be able to purchase a liter of Heineken and have change in your pocket when you walk out. Beer is that cheap. The selection of beers is pretty limited, most bars here have Quilmes aaaaaannnnnnd Quilmes. But the lack of beer brands is more than made up for with the extensive selection of wine. Yaowza...we are talkin about walls of different wine labels out there, folks. With a few bucks in your pocket you can get a very decent bottle. Wow. I love this place.

Boca Walking Tour
Boca is a unique portion of Buenos Aires. If you go, go only to the touristy places and stay on the beaten path. Our group of 20 felt pretty safe when we went in the afternoon. We learned quite a bit about the area. Boca in Spanish means "mouth," and this area was the first place in Buenos Aires with shipping docks on the Rio Plata that unloaded all types of cargo destined for all areas of South America. La Boca was the mouth/source/origin in the sense that this where everything from Europe came to before going anywhere else. This area is charming and unique because of the multicolored houses, creative street fairs, and the history baby! The vibrant colors are a refreshing change from the stone and the bla colors around Buenos Aires. These houses are not palaces, in fact they are kinda scrappy because they are put together with a little wood, metal, and some are held together with a little toothpaste and tin wire. They are painted in many different types of colors not because the owner or the whole area was colorblind and thought, "Hey, im gonna be different and paint my house 8 different colors." Nope, the reason why these houses were painted this way was because the area was very poor and nobody could afford just one color. The houses were painted with whatever colors were available at the time. So workers painted their houses with whatever was leftover on the docks. Suppose some guy found a little orange paint one day, a portion of the house would be orange. If they found pink, then pink was the color of the shutters. And so on...

The Tango. La Boca was a very poor immigrant section of Buenos Aires that had people from every single walk of life. Massive amounts of African, Italian, Spanish, British, Polish, Russian, as well as many other European countries came here in search of a new life. Many of the immigrants were men that came to Buenos Aires to find work in order make enough money to bring their families to South America and start a new life. Deep from the within the houses in this poor part of Buenos Aires birthed the Tango. Well, I really shouldn't say houses. More like brothels. Since La Boca was a principle port, they had lots and lots of sailors that would come into town looking for one thing. Now I dont wanna sterotype sailors here, but these guys were prolly lookin for a relationship that went beyond holding hands...they were lookin for more of the wam-bam-thank-you-ma'am type relationship, if ya know what I mean. When people come from all different parts of the globe they also bring some culture and every single culture uses song and dance to entertain themselves. So this mishmash of cultures, poverty, and brothels created the tango. The tango is a very sensual dance combined with a sense of longing for the life that was left behind back in Europe.

Usually most fads start with the rich upper class and diffuse their way down to the working class. However the tango was something that evolved from the poorest section of BA that became all the rage once to rich caught on. For quite some time the music of the tango was only instruments. Lyrics were added to the tango and one man really stands out as the voice of the tango. If you ask any Argentine who the voice of tango is they will automatically say Carlito. Carlos Gardel had the golden voice that set the bar pretty high as far as singing the tango. He is the guy you see pictured with my brother and I. Please not that the figure is not created to scale. Carlito does not have gorilla hands and a 10 inch smile and 6 inch nose.

After having lunch in a tourist trap we went to see where the Boca Jrs. play. This is a pretty large stadium and it was pretty packed the day that I got to Buenos Aires. The day I arrived in BA Boca Jrs. were playing the Pumas from Mexico in the South American Cup Championship. The game was pretty good and went to a shootout to determine the champion. Tickets were pretty pricey and since I was a gringo the chances of getting a cheap ticket that wasnt counterfit were pretty low. So I watched it on TV, drank beer, and then toured the stadium a week later. Pretty cool. We also took a quick tour of the attached meuseum. Since I know absolutely nothing about soccer it had about the same significance to me as prolly baseball would to someone from South America. But the enormity of the soccer stadium was cool and the grass was green.

This is my brother Jonathan with some rilly rilly buggy glasses. My bro came down to spend Christmas and the New Year here in Buenos Aires. It was great to have a part of the fam down here for the holidays!

Jonathan normally does not wear the Bono sunglasses; he goes for a more of the conservative sunglass look. These glasses are so big and weird that they scare young children and small animals.

and im done

Merry Christmas from Buenos Aires

Che...

Merry Christmas folks!

Today the Jonster and I slept in a little bit and then headed to mass. Christmas in BA just really isnt the same like it is back home. I think Ive just been too spoiled with Christmas in Omaha where the fam is around, its cold, and you have all the family traditions 'n stuff. Gonna spend next Christmas in O-town.

This week looks to be quite a busy one. Lots of neighborhoods to visit, museums to visit, steak to eat, and beer to drink.

let the fun begin!

laters...jp

Buenos Aires Mullet Epidemic

Attention all...

please send scissors, wax, modern hairstyle magazines and whatever you c an scrape together to stop the mullet epidemic.

mullets are getting out of c ontrol and ne ed to be s topped before they spread to the USA and other countries in th e world.

only you can prevent the mullet. do you part!

oh , and it is 6am, i just got back from the club... im feel ing pretty good and this k eyboar d in the hos tel does not work too well thank you...jp

Greetings from Buenos Aires

hey troops!

i made it to Buenos Aires in one piece and am glad to have a room with a fam. The hostel in Córdoba did not have a fan so you just sat in your sweat. yummmmmmy...

i celebrated my birthday by going to some club with some people from the hostel and ended up leaving early because the obnoxious techno music was wearin me out. That and it is pretty boring when you cant talk to any of the ladytypes because the techno is drowning out any hope of communication. *sigh* my boyish good looks can only get my so far...

The mullet and unibrow here in Buenos Aires is alive, well...and breeding. Someone, please send some barbers from the States to take care of the mullet epidemic.

im gettin tired and my bro is comin tomorrow morning. Pretty excited to spend the holidays with at least part of the fam. but its still gonna be kinda weird not to be home for the holidays.

back with more when i get some free time...

laters,

jp

today is my birthday

Hey Folks,

Big Day Today! Today is my Birthday!

The ol' numba two-six. Im on the downhill slide. Where did my 20s go?

Not really sure what to think about being 26. I suppose after having a few days of 26 under my belt I will feel maybe a little better. We will see...

I do know one thing and that is I cannot wait until tomorrow because I get better lookin everyday!!!!!

until then....jp

Salar de Uyuni...pretty damn weird

The Salar de Uyuni is just flat out surreal.

Imagine going to a place where the only colors you see are deep blue and blinding white. A place where it is so bright that you even squint through your sunglasses. Your initial reaction when you step outta the jeep is that this place has to be something like a fresh snowfall because even the slush you are stepping through sounds like snow slush.

But it is salt. Lots of it. Tons of it. Kilometers of it...

Around 10,500 square kms of it, 120kms deep in the central part and at an altitude of 3,653 feet above sea level. That's a lotta salt, baby!


This is a little story about a little jeep adventure I had with five other tourists, a driver, and a cook. We drove to the middle of the Salar de Uyuni in Bolivia and beyond to see some weird shaped rocks, lakes, diverse plants, animals, and terrain that looked more appropriate if it were in a Dali painting.

Our group was a diverse set of folks. We had a tall gringo from the USA, two Germans, a guy from England, and two female vegan slash animal rights slash extremists from the UK that were, well, kinda wacko. Wacko in the nicest sense. Wacko in the sense that the rest of our group got dirty looks when we talked about how much we were all looking forward to going to Argentina and eating some great beef.

I kinda got tricked into signing with one organization. What kinda suckered me into signing up with this tour company was the recruiter`s promise of being the only guy in the jeep because, and I quote "ahhh me-ster james, you are berry lucky to join dis group beee-cuzz a group of five e-glish girlz just signed up andyou can be noombur six in de group." Single guys can only dream about this kinda stuff. I plunked down my dough and was ready to go.

but it was all for not...I got to the jeep the day and was like, "ummmmm, where are 'de girlz'? Damn! Foiled again..." But the group was alright, although kinda quite and a little different.


We started our three day and two night adventure at the railroad cemetery. Uyuni was a big train town back in the day and there were tons of old trains that had been used in the past and were now laid to rest. They were now in the hands of Father Time and Mother Nature. I really enjoyed the train graveyard since I worked at the railroad as an intern and our fam had seen and been on lots of trains during numerous Peters Family Vacations of 19xx. Cool stuff. We were there a good 20 minutes to snap some fotos and see what trains from a begone era looked like.

We then proceeded to the Salar. Talk about weird, baby. This place is so big you can take a nap at the wheel and wake up a little later and still feel like you are in the same place. Its also easy to get lost and disoriented because the blinding white everywhere and the very few reference points. Our first stop was in front of an area where workers are actually harvesting the salt and putting it into neat little salt piles. It felt weird to just be around this much salt. Never before have I see this much of a single table top condiment. We got a few fotos of the Salar and I found a salt mound that was sturdy enough to hold my body weight and snapped a picture.

Next stop was the Isla del Pescado or fish island. They call it the fish island because its shape from above looks strikingly similar to a fish. Pretty neat. The island in the middle of the sea of salt has humongous cactus that can grow over 8 meters tall. Pretty tall. The contrast of such abundant plant life in the middle of this barren sea of salt is pretty striking. We got outta the jeep and walked around while lunch was gettin ready. There were cactus growing nearly everywhere on this island that was roughly the size of two football fields placed side by side. Coolio.

Back in the jeep after lunch. Glad those girls were vegan, that meant more meat for the rest. The group was unusually hungry and wolfed the food down. About 15 minutes after lunch we were drivin along the Salar and had a flat. We hear a POW! and then smell burning rubber...maybe we should have not ate so much for lunch. This flat was something that the driver was pretty used to because changed that flat like clockwork. This guy flew! We prolly throught that this was not his first flat and definitely not his last because we had three more the next two days. Im kinda weird in that I time things, just for the sake of knowing how much time it takes. Ill have you know that our driver improved his flattire changing time every single time. From ten minutes the first time down to less than six minutes. Ya gotta hand it to him on changin tires. Atta boy!

We exited the Salar and stayed the first night of our trip in a salt hotel. Everything in this place was salt. Well, almost everything. The bedsheets were cloth and the bathrooms were tile. Other than that...salt baby. We sat down and had dinner a coupla hours later only to find out that the chef didnt bring any salt or pepper on the trip (serioulsy). Where in the heck do you find salt at in the middle of the dessert!!!? But that was solved when we picked up part of our chair and scraped off a little bit into our soup.

Slept pretty well that night. Not only is salt a good table condiment but I guess it is a pretty good insulator, too. Day two was a long day. We were on the road at 7am to see all sorts of stuff. We drove by some active volcanoes and saw smoke coming from the top. Another really cool place we drove by was lagoons full of pink flamingos.
I dont know how or why these flamingos chose this area but during the high season there are thousands and thousands of these animals. Perhaps they like the mixture of geothermal waters, altituted and plantlife that lives in these waters. Who knows...but the pink flamingo's color were so strikingly beautiful against the bland brown desert terrain. Laguna Colorado was the place where our group had an excellent viewing platform and watched the birds plunk their heads in the water to grab some tasty insect or to just stand there and tuck one foot into their body. Seeing animals in the wild is so much more different than the zoo. I felt like I was the one in the cage. Another really cool place we visited was the Arbol de Piedra or rock tree. This tree is one of the many extremely odd shaped rocks in the valley of rocks. Amazing how rocks can be formed into different shapes from millions of years of sand and wind erosion. We finally arrived around 12 hours after we left. Two more flat tires on our jeep, a broken axle, and then a fix the axle put us back about three hours. I have an idea how to fix flats, but broken axles are something I leave to the pros, like Pa. Our group was lucky enough to be near a sulfer mine that had a guy with a welding machine. One of the drivers in the other group knew how to spot weld so we were back on the road and didnt hafta pull the other jeep.

We all got to the Laguna Colorado National Reserve pretty late and just tried to recover from the 12 hour excursion of endless bumps and weird combination of burning sun and cold wind. The weird thing about the desert is that once the sun gets past a certain point things start to get really really cold really really quickly. Wind dont help either. Towards the end of the day the temp prolly dropped from 90 degrees Fahrenheit to 50 degrees pdq. And it wasnt gettin any warmer until that sun poked its head out again the next day. Good thing we visited in the summer months because the winter temperatures can get down to a chilly 20 below.

ok...ill be back for more tomorrow...also more on the conversations we had with the vegans

jp




Alrighty, back again.

The second night was a cold one. With the wind and altitude (4000 meters plus) it got down to about 25 or 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Kinda chilly. The wine we drank with dinner kept us warm after our meal. One really cool thing about being at that altitude and being in the middle of nowhere is all the stars you see. You dont really realize how many stars are up there in the sky until you just take a step back and watch the sky for a while.

The dinner conversation was kinda light. We had just been talking to each other in a jeep for 12 hours and didnt feel like repeating the same ol "So...where are you going next" type traveler question. I was semi-annoyed with the group for a while because they criticized my iPod music selection. We had listened to many of the usual group favorites and I decided to play some Ryan Adams (not Bryan Adams) when there were some grumbles from the back because the guy is kinda unknown. I was just glad we were listing to something besides the heavily played Bolivian music we had been listening to since the previous day. The tape player had been workin overtime playing Andean folk music as well as the Spanish version of J. Frank Wilson & the Cavaliers' hit "Last Kiss." The radio in our jeep had an adapter plug that makes nonstop rocking possible. Ya just connect the radio to your iPods headphone jack with a little cable and you are set. Not only was it nice to hear American music but it also gave the jeep's tape player a rest. But I guess you cant please everybody's musical interest.

Being the person that is always aiming to please, I suggested someone else volunteer their music player for a while. Louisa, Vegan #1, suggested her mp3 player. She selected the music, I plugged it in and we listened. I should have thrown that thing outta the window. The music was a mixture of bad techno and bad pop music. There were a few decent songs mixed in between but both of them were really short songs, no extended mixes. The bad techno reminded me of a bad Gap commercial and the bad pop music reminded of actually being in the Gap. I was trapped in a rolling technotronic Gap-mobile for two freakin hours in the desert...someone, throw me a freakin bone here. Things got a little better when they finally told us that they had Nirvana's Nevermind album. Finally, something!!!!

Now it wasnt the musical selection that made these two girls kinda, well, umm, different, or annoying. And it wasnt their lifestyle. You can be vegan all you want, just dont tell us all about the vegan lifestyle without us asking. And please dont tell us everything about animal rights when we dont ask. Please, dont start a conversation about down sleeping bags by saying "You know how they get those feathers off the animals, dont you!?"

One thing I have learned in my travels is that there are a ton of different people out here in the world and that is what makes this trip interesting. Yup, you can have your opinion about things, but just dont go inflicting your views on me when I dont solicit them. Ill respect your choice to not eat meat and you can respect my choice to eat meat. Talking with the girls about anything else was perfectly fine...but when the conversation changed to meat or animal rights it was like small town Iowa preparing for The Storm. The sky becomes dark, cloudy, and ominous, window shutters slam shut, and everybody kinda scurries into the cellar because a tornado was about to rip through town.

The vegans did not like the fact the chef really didnt understand what a vegan was. She prolly confused vegans with vegetarians which is a pretty reasonable because there are prolly not too many vegans roaming around in SA. The best advice I would give them is that if you are gonna have extremely rigid dietary guidelines then you better come ready to cook for yourself.

We were gettin ready to shut it down for the night and some of us were curious. We started to question the vegans as to how far or to what extent can you be a vegan... Suppose the veggies you are eating were hauled into town under the power of a horse? Would you eat the veggie? Suppose the veggie the vegans ate was fertilized with animal manure? Would you eat the veggie? Both examples are animal exploitation, right...



the next day we rose around 430am from our beds and were off to the geysers. Geysers in Spanish is pronounced like "geezers" in English. So I expected to see a whole bunch of old people just standin around and began to think "I paid money to see this!" But the geysers were really cool. the cool morning air and the hot steam created massive clouds of sulfer that wreaked of rotten eggs. One geyser shot steam clouds about a hundred feet into the air. Others were as loud as a plane engine on takeoff. Some were boiling water and leavin a mess everywhere. Nearly all of them were pretty impressive. The terraine around the geysers looked something similar to the photos you see of other planets. Alien landscape. Similar to pictures of the Mars landrover. We hung around there for a while to change flat tire number four before heading to the Laguna Verde. The Green Lake is absolutely dead of any life, but it is still really cool to look at. All the natural copper deposits mixed with the water create a greenish effect when wind agitates the lake water.

Got a few more pics of that and then we were off to the Bolivia/Chile border where we said goodbye to some our group members as they were on their way to San Pedro de Atacama. I elected to stay on the jeep and enjoy the view before I took the train to Argentina. We passed through the Salvador Dali Desert which was a series of massive rocks in the middle of a sand dune. The Spanish called it that when they were passin through.

Our last stop was at the Rock Valley where there are just some massive rocks that have been carved into some really weird shapes from lots of time and lots of wind and sand. pretty cool.

Back in the jeep through more rough terrain before we got onto a smooth highway, smooth by Bolivian standards, before we had one more stop. With the town of Uyuni in sight we ran outta gas...snap! no problem there, we just cut the top of the Coke bottle and used that as a little funnel and poured the rest of the gas that was in our little gas can on top of the roof.

We arrived back into town, safe and sound. Pretty dirty from not showering for three days but in decent spirits. Went back to my hotel and took a quick shower and then went off to Minute Man Pizza. The pizza I ate that night was pretty darn good and prolly the best pizza in SA. This guy, Chris from Boston, married a girl in the States from Uyuni. They moved down here and he opened up a bed in breakfast and a pizza shop. Great food and a great guy. Chris is the type of guy you can have small talk with and feel like you have known him for ever. I liked the place so much I even bought a tshirt from the place.

Well, im goin to Buenos Aires tonight. Have a good one!

jp

im just sick and tired...

alright...

Today I am sick. The combination of being in a jeep in the Salar for 25 or 30 hours and then on a train for nine hours and then on a bus for another nine has finally caught up with me. So I thought I would post some of the things I write down in my journal when I get kinda bored on long bus rides.

The following is a list of things that I have noticed along my way in Boliva and Argentina.

• Forrest Gump is still pretty darn good in Spanish.
• VHS still has its advantages.
• Don't be penny wise and pound foolish.
• Don't be That Guy...
• South American cabbies must think that gringos are the laziest people in the world and honk at us all the time. They honk at you when you least need them and are never around when you do.
• I feel like crap in the morning if I don't get some food in me quickly.
• Cow stomach does not count as food and should not be served as dinner.
• The world is not your ashtray, don't throw your cigarette butts everywhere.
• Women spectators at soccer games have some of the most vulgar mouths...You cannot believe what comes out of their mouths.
• Minute Man Pizza in Uyuni, Boliva has got to be the best pizza I have had in South America.
• Soccer players in South America are drama queens. Just suck it up and play, fellas.
• Why don't Australians tip.
• Are South American carnival workers looked at as differently as they are in the USA?
• Always buy bus tickets from the bus stations, otherwise those jokers will rip you off with a smile and then ask for a tip.
• Be nice to people you meet along the way because I guarantee that you will see them again.
• Bolivian Time can mean anything. Ten minutes in Bolivian Time can mean two hours in American Time.
• The mullet and unibrow are alive and well here in Argentina.
• The girls in Argentina are pretty. Very Pretty
• Argentina seems sooooo green after spending seven weeks in deserts.
• The Punisher in Spanish is just as lame as it is in English. Same goes for Look Who's Talking, Too.
• High School High should never have been dubbed into Spanish.
• Being 25 is just like being 15...but with the means.
• Glad to have gotten outta Bolivia before the elections later this week.
• Work, pleasure, happiness are not linear.
• American music is not censored here like it is back home.
• My dream Jeopardy catagories would be:
• Pitching Theory
• Unicycling
• The Internet
• Pop Culture Trivia
• Money Saving Methods
• Expressions Baseball Players Use
• I Gotta Put Up With This!

That is all i got for now...laters

The World`s Most Dangerous Road

hey troops

Earlier this week I went for a little mountain bike ride. I had heard stories about this so called "World's Most Dangerous Road" or "Death Road" and had to experience it first hand. Everybody I had met during my travels told me about this ride and what an experience was gonna be for me. They were right. This thing was a blast!

The World`s Most Dangerous Road is a twisting, turning, fear imposing, hair raising, bone rattling, teeth clenching, muscle bruising, adrenaline releasing, why in the hell did i sign up for this in the first place type ride. It is a 70km ride that starts outside of La Paz at a brisk 4700m and winds down to Corioco, Bolivia at around 1300m. Some downhill stretches lasted over two hours.

We started off the day at La Terraza cafe to get a little breakfast before we started the ride. I didn't sleep well the night before because I was worried I was gonna oversleep and miss the 745 departure. Our group of guys got there at about 630 in the morning so we wouldn't miss breakfast. One thing that I have noticed here in Bolivia that sometimes annoys me is the concept of time. Ten or 15 minutes in Bolivian Time can mean over an hour, waiting for food can get pretty annoying. Especially if you gotta be somewhere or do something (like ride a bike on WMDR). We thought we got there in plenty of time but had to get takeout boxes cause the bus was leavin. At least we got something to eat.

The WMDR is just a short 30 or 40 minutes away from La Paz and we were on our way. Being one of the last to get my food meant that I was one of the last to find a seat on the bus and I got pretty much the smallest one. About 10 minutes into the ride we were having some technical problems. The bus was puffin some serious smoke and we had to make a one hour pit stop and wait for a replacement vehicle. Not the best sign to see our vehicle breaking down as we are making this trek. To look on the bright side at least it didn't break down during the middle of the ride or on the way back. That woulda been a real pain. After the replacement vehicle arrived we were back on track.

We arrived at the starting point and tried on our bikes as well as safety equipment. Riding gloves, florescent riding vests and helmets were all standard gear for the trip. We all got a good laugh from the rider who had his helmet on backwards. It was kinda funny, but worrisome at the same time. Ya gotta think to yourself "If this guy cant wear a helmet right, how in the hell is he gonna fare on the ride." Riding goggles were an option that i selected. The Kona I rode was an excellent bike and was the biggest one they had. Each bike was identified by a little sticker...Some people had Pica Chu or dragons as their sticker. I was proud to sport The Hulk sticker. I felt bad for one guy who had the Snow White bike. The suggestion to attach pink streamers to the handlebars and add training wheels was politely declined. Oh, it was also good to see a well-oiled chain true wheels, and hydraulic disk breaks that were very responsive. This bike was ready for the road. There are quite a few travel operators that do the La Paz to Corioco ride. However, the guide books only recommend the group that I went with and that's because they are really the only ones who maintain the production capacity of their bikes. After going on the ride I am glad I paid the extra 20 bucks.

We are ready. We are set. Everybody is primed to get this show on the road. But first a little safety briefing from our friends at Gravity Bolivia.

Rule Number One: Don't Be An Idiot! This is not a race and there are no prizes.
Rule Number Two: Give the person ahead of you plenty of time and space. Don't cut anybody off.
Rule Number Three: When leaning into a right right handed curve you should position the pedals so your right foot is up. Remember: Right Turn - Right Peddle Up; Left Turn - Left Peddle Up.
Rule Number Four: The Ruff Rider Position. The Ruff Rider Position enables you to withstand lots of the bumps on the road. The rider stands on the bike with the peddles parallel to the road and absorbs a lot more shock. If you do not do the Ruff Rider Position then you will feel it in the morning. As our guide Ian said, "If you do not do the Ruff Rider Position you will feel as though you have been fully violated."
Rule Number Five: The 70/30 rule. Seventy percent of your brake pressure should be on the rear brake and 30 percent should be on the front. If you reverse this, then you will do a Peter Pan over the handle bars because the front breaks are super strong and you are an idiot.
Rule Number Six: Don't crisscross your chain. ie..don't position your derailleurs so the chain is on the far right gear up front and on the far left gear in the back or vicea-versea. This is a no-no in the biking world.
Rule Number Seven: Watch out for baby heads. Baby heads are small boulders about the size of...yea, well, a baby`s head.
Rule Number Eight: Stay to the right side pavement on the first portion of the ride. When riding on the WMDR stay to the left and dismount to the right side of your bike when a huge truck comes close. We don't need anybody to become truck bait and we dont wanna hafta send a crew to rescue your bike.

After we went through the rules we performed an offering to Pachamama. Pachamama is Mother Earth and is performed to prevent any injuries or deaths. The offering is a sip of 90 proof alcohol that can also be used as a disinfectant. We all took sips and winced at the strength of it. So, Bikes...check. Rules...check. Offering...check. We are ready to roll. The first hour or so of the ride was over a paved surface and we were freakin burnin! The hum of the tires and the sound of the air whipping through your clothes was all you could hear. Peddling was unnecessary because my body weight had more than enough momentum to carry me through this portion.

The first portion was more of a "hey, lets get you acquainted with this bike and the rules so you don't kill yourself on the next portion." training portion.

The pavement ended and the second portion of our ride began. This was the real, actual, living and breathing World´s Most Dangerous Road. It was a mixture of beauty and fear because this is mostly a one-way road built for two-way traffic. Paved? Faughettaboutttit! The road is a mishmash of packed dirt, crushed stones, dust, waterfalls, 1000m dropoffs all bundled together with incredible views.

The rules are a little different here on the WMDR. For one, traffic drives on the left hand side of the road so drivers can see how far to the edge they can really get. There are little traffic bays every 50 meters or so which allows drivers to move to one side so they can allow oncomming traffic to pass. Right of way is kinda ignored because the driver with the largest vehicle really rules the road.

The big rule that our guide wanted us to know is whenever there were huge lorrie trucks coming it was best to dismount your bike with a ninja roundhouse kick and put the bike between you and the cliff. Putting you between the bike and cliff would result in death if you were to take a step backwards or something.

So we set off down the WMDR and regrouped every 10 minutes or so just to make sure that nobody was left stranded. Our group had three guides. One would lead, the next would hang in the middle and the last would round of the stragglers. I was definetly a stragler. This was intentional because it seems whenever you are at the front of the pack there are lots of overconfident beginners riding WAY too close and that really got on my nerves. So I hung in the back of the pack and there just so happened to be two french girls there too. I really just like to lag behind, really.

The WMDR will thrououghly shake you. No ifs-ands-or-buts about it - we had a glorious day to ride and the road was ready for us. One stretch really beat the heck outta me because it was nonstop breaking and constant rattling. The ride was so rattling and speedy that my hands began to cramp up from the constant pressure applied to The Hulk.

Huge cargo lorries, huge petro tanker trucks, construction equipment, blind curves are all part of the WMDR. There are all types of imaginable terraine on this road. And they all seem to come together at the same time. We got to one point where there were:
A) two huge tanker trucks coming at us.
B) one lane.
C) huge cliff dropoff.
D) The San Juan Waterfalls falling onto the road.
E) all of the above.

But we surrived. We surrived with the help of some really good guides, common sense, human traffic lights that guided us around blind corners.

more on this when i get back from some dinner.